It's been Five Years... I'm Still Here...

I got caught up in things... so many things. Writing, Living... and still learning.

I just got back from my head oncologist this past Tuesday. The tumor is now down to 1.8 X 1.5 centimeters. He's happy. I'm happy. Life is good. Many things have happened over the last five years.

I lost my mom to kidney failure on September 14th, 2011. Her last words to me were: "What does the report say?" I explained the CT Scan wasn't scheduled until September 16th. She died two days before. Do you know to this day, I grieved about 10 minutes before realizing my mom had not really left me? She was still there. I didn't have to worry about her. She was free of her pain and suffering that had been going on all her life with her lungs. I have never grieved her loss. I miss her sometimes, realizing she's not going to be there physically, but I know in my spirit she's there.

When I lost my cat, Strypur, in April of 2013, she was there. At the vet's office, holding my baby and sobbing, she came to my mind and I saw her pick Strypur up. "It's okay, Jan. I've got him. Let go." And in that moment, I realized my cat and my mom were reunited. I was able to release both, go home sleep and move on through it. I'll see them again.

So, what have I been up to the last few years?

So many things. Writing a Sci-fi fantasy book, now up on Amazon. I'm working on Book 2. I've been getting more and more involved with Bromance stories as those were always my passion (brother-friend, brothers of soul, hurt/comfort....) I recently went to the book page to see if the buy link still worked as I had done some changes, and was pleasantly surprised to find two, and now three 5-star reviews. It's been a while coming, but they are starting to roll in. I gave many paperback versions of the book out to people in exchange for reviews. And one, the husband of a woman who had asked for a copy, snatched up the book before she could read it. A few weeks later she messaged me saying that her husband was about 75% finished with the book and when was Book 2 coming out because "He wants to know how this is going to end." (Me: SHOCKED!) I had sent the book for her to read, and her husband ended up being the first one to tout his praise for it. A man, gave an honest heartfelt review of a Sci-Fi setting dealing with a deep, brotherly-bonded friendship. His words and encouragement really gave me a shot in the arm. But with all the changes going on in my life the last six months, things are shifting. I have no real idea where I'll be going except I have a story of my own to tell and so I've also been working on the story with cancer.

I really don't like to associate it with Cancer, though. I prefer the word 'Journey'.

I'm seeking further spiritual paths, for instance studying The RA Material: The Law of One. Fascinating stuff there. Getting deeper into CSETI/CE-5 (Yes, ET work), and moving deeper into learning meditation. They finally have a studio close to where I live (Only a few blocks) and how is that for not having to drive very far to learn new things? Normally I'd have to leave my city and travel for 30-45 minutes to get somewhere. I'm still involved with the Science of Mind, and it's been a ride you would not believe. I feel like I'm on stepping stones, though. Great stepping stones, but I can't seem to find a stable path. Someone said this week, "It's not the destination, it's the journey." Well, then, I'm solid. I'm still journeying, seeking, looking for my A-ha moments and loving the experience. But... I do wish I could settle into something that I can legitimately say "I'm practicing this." My writing fiction is becoming quiet. The voices in my heart are silencing. The Journey story is moving full throttle and it reminded me I had this journal where I had stored memories.

In reading through these posts again I had forgotten some of this stuff. I need to tap into them and include them in the book. What is the book going to be called:
"Death Is The Teacher: Or... How The Music of Led Zeppelin, And Other Tools In My Lesson Plan Helped In My Journey Through Cancer." I should be finished with it in a few months.

I came back into this blog to relive some memories and found out it had been five years since last I posted. I wanted to tell everyone the fight was and is worth it. I'm still here, still alive, and still healing, and not just physically. I have much to say, to share, and I hope you'll join me.

As Jared Padalecki says: "Always Keep Fighting." I would like to add to that: "And Always Keep Seeking." There are A-ha!moments waiting for you. Trust me. They have their arms open wide for you to embrace them. I'm a living/walking example of this. And I have shots in the arm to give YOU!

I hope you'll join me. Life is good. Embrace it with a sense of adventure. :D
Namaste'
Janalyn Robnett

Suicide by Cop...

For those unfamiliar with the phrase 'Suicide by Cop', it's when a person provokes the police and forces them to shoot them in order to die. I just heard of a case like this happening to a man who found out he had cancer. I won't go into details as I don't know the person whose father did this. It's a hear-say story, so the details are etchy, but all I know is that this man found out he had cancer. He couldn't face the treatments or the disease and provoked a policeman into shooting him.

Last Friday, when seeing my oncologist for a check-up, a nurse came into the exam room. I could not help but over-hear the conversation as I was sitting only about 2 feet away. The nurse was explaining to my doctor about a male patient who was refusing treatment because he could not pursue the chemotherapy and still work. He 'demanded' the catheter (Or stint? Or is it a shunt? Can't be certain, where they inject the chemo directly in the area of the tumor) be removed and that was the only reason he had shown up that day.

I don't know the circumstances around this man's needing to work, and Lord and Lady (Mother/Father God) knows I am not a huge proponent for typical cancer treatments, but if there is the SLIGHTEST chance that this man can live via chemo treatments...
By the Universe...why would he not choose to fight?

It was just sooo sad to me. And to my doctor. She put her head in her hands and looked as though she was defeated. I could not understand why this man wanted to do this. I said, "Do you wish to speak to him now? I can wait here." She said, "No. I'll speak to him in a few minutes." She looked at me. I looked at her. There was a connection between us. I didn't say anything about the tea. She already had the information, but she, being a doctor maybe couldn't say anything about that angle. She knows it's working for me, but she has to be soooo careful.

What made this so sad was not necessarily her not being able to tell him about the Essiac (If that in fact turned out to be the case), but what was sad was the man refusing treatment. I am soooo very much hoping that he chose to seek treatment by another route and just not refusing the chemo because he was giving up.

I called my brother once, and I believe I posted about this before, when I was on the verge of even 'thinking' of giving up. He told me what he once told the soccer team he coached. "I don't care what the score is...if you give up...you may as well walk off the field." I remember those words, hold them close to my heart every day. I cannot give up. I have my life!! I have LIFE!! My sister once asked me, "Do you have anything better to do with your life other than to save it?" I hold THOSE words close to my heart as well. When I think of people throwing away their lives because they are afraid or because they think there's no hope, it breaks my heart.

Please...fight. PLEASE don't give up. There is ALWAYS a chance, and there are MIRACLES. I believe in miracles. I don't care what faith you are, believe for the best, believe that this world is worth your life to live, and to spread your story to others. You have family, friends...you have REASONS and gifts and blessings all around you. To deny yourself even one day of life, to deny your family your presence too soon...by the Lord and Lady, you can find strength in those around you. I know if I didn't have my friends and family, I, too, would have given up. I'd be dead by now. Find someone in your life that you mean something to and fight for them if not for yourself.

Fight for your life. There are wonderful things in this world worth fighting for, worth living for. If you give up on that...what blessings will you miss down the road? I remember I wanted to kill myself one time. Mother/Father God said, "If you do that, you will never know the blessings we have for you down the road." I am living those blessings now. I am seeing a life worth living. I ignore what is going on in the world today with the wars and crime and economy. There will always be wars, there will always be crime, and the economy WILL get back on its feet again. Focus on what you have around you...your family, your pets, your friends...is there joy in your life? What brings you joy? Find it...seek it out and grab on. HOLD ON with everything you have inside you. If you slip, grab onto the nearest person you know you can trust with anything. Let them know you're slipping and they will help you!! My brother, sister, my friends...so many people around me pulled me up when I was about going through darkness.

I would call my brother on the morning of the chemo treatments, my dread so tangible I could feel it weigh me down like a milstone, in tears I would call him and he was there and just hearing his voice helped me through it. Just knowing if I needed him or my sister, or my sister-in-luv, Barbi, my niece, Brianna, my friend Julie, my friend Shelly and my friend Mary and my friend Carmen and so many others. (And even my nephew Brad who came down with his family to metaphorically 'hold my hand'). I could call out and they would listen and they would walk with me in spirit.

I hate chemo treatments, they are grueling and wear you down, and yes it is DIFFICULT, and sometimes you think it's impossible, but it isn't! I swear by Mother/Father God it's not impossible! You have to hold on. You can't give up.
Choose to live! Don't walk off the field.
There is a reason you were put on this earth. There is a reason you were born.
"Do you have anything better to do with your life other than to save it?"

I can't imagine the grief the family of that man who killed himself by the act of suicide by cop must be going through.

If you find you have no strength, turn to your family and friends, turn to God if you believe in Him. Turn to your spiritual path whatever it is. Go to the mountains, or the beach, or a field of flowers, or go to a flower shop and breathe in the scent of beauty. And here's one...go to a bookstore and invest in your life by buying comic strip books. Vance, my brother, and Barbi bought me "Get Fuzzy" books and I laughed and laughed. Buy comedy DVD's (My faves are "Home Improvement" and "Boy Meets World" and "MASH".) Take them home, watch them again and again and laugh, laugh, laugh, buy comedy...watch it on Netflix, or Hulu, go to a movie that takes you away from this world and eases your stress by giving you something funny to think about. Laughter. Surround yourself with it. If you have a pet, love that pet, cuddle with your dog, cat, or whatever. Love the animals around you. My cat gave me such strength and healing energy when I needed it and he still does. He was one of my angels during the worst parts of getting the news and treatments. Without him it would have been...not impossible, but more empty.

Laugh. Love. Live.
Be alive...feel it, know it, and pass it on.
I promise you...it's good to be alive.

Rock on.

Nothing to do with cancer, but something to do with therapy...

I like READING!!

I read a blog. She posted this. Please read the below and pass it on. (Especially if you are one of those people who download 'free' e-books, or if you known an author who's been affected by e-book piracy.) This criminal activity has got to STOP! It's getting worse and worse and all I can see is authors being forced out of the publishing business as a result. Read the comments on the libraries especially. I never knew that if you check out a book, you are actually helping the libraries with their low budgets. I'm heading to the library more and more now.


More on Book Piracy
Author Saundra Mitchell had a striking post on the numbers of her books being pirated. If all the illegal downloads had been legal sales, she'd have been a NYT bestseller. The same goes for me. In ten minutes, I found record of tens of thousands of illegal downloads of my books. In ten minutes. It makes me want to cry, since sales numbers justify my existence as a writer. I've ranted about this before. I'll let Saundra do the talking this time, with her permission. And she does it well.

http://anywherebeyond.livejournal.com/342581.html?view=1733941#t1733941

(End pasted quote.)

Dig it!

I'm sorry, but you'll have to copy and paste the link to your browser. I can't figure out why the 'link' option in this blog will not show the actual link. :(
Peace out!

I donated!

Neuropathy...the pits. Kindesss of strangers? The rope to pull you out.

My feet suffer from Neuropathy...nerve damage, resulting from chemotherapy. Think of it as Novocaine injected into your feet and the numbness never goes away. You can't feel it when your feet hit steps, you need to watch your feet at all times when walking, and a walker is definitely your best friend, either that or a wheelchair. It's the pits. I can't dance anymore. I used to love to dance in the privacy of my own home while cleaning the apartment, or simply because I love to dance whenever. I can't do that anymore. I have to have help getting into a saddle because my feet have no strength to hold me in the stirrup while I mount. Sucks. However, it could be worse. I could be Neuropathic in my entire legs...and hands. Thankfully, the Universe saw fit to keep my hands immune. I can still type.

Yesterday I needed to go to the store. I had walked with a cane to take my rent to the landlords. By the time I got back to my apartment (the landlords live a block away), I was hurting in my hip. Not sure what happened there, but it may be the lack of balance in the walking. I had to then face going to the store. Albertson's has a call ahead and they will shop for you program. I think I'm going to have to take them up on it.

But...though the Neuropathy is why I'm writing this entry, it's the kindness of strangers I want to focus on. As I used the Albertson's cart to get my items, a kind elderly man assisted me at the check-out counter. Not an employee, a fellow customer. He only had one item and I had the basket on the cart overflowing with groceries to get me through the week. He pulled everything from the basket and put it on the conveyor belt for me...smiling all the time he did so. He then told me to take care of myself and went to take his place in line behind me, patting me on the shoulder as he did so.

Where in the world are the angels of this world? There where you least expect them. No one else bothered. No one else moved out of the way. Everyone else were too wrapped up in their world to even pass me the time of day. This guy? Sent from heaven. I needed a lot of help yesterday as I had tons of things to do and getting on my feet to do them was getting scary. He made it that much more easier for me.

I flooded him with sincere thanks and gratitude. He literally made my day. :)
Folks, pass it on to others when others help you. If we can just cause a dominoes effect of kindness, I wonder what would happen to this world.

Rock on.

New vistas...

It's been some time since last I posted.
First off, there will be no surgery to remove the tumor as the head oncologist fears microscopic cancer cells in pelvic area could form new tumors if oxygen hits. He said that removing the tumor will only cause more problems and I'm okay with that. :)

I've been drinking my Essiac tea and believing that the Universe is moving. It left my sister-in-luv, Barbi, able to go to Bulgaria. She had her reservations about going, worried about the possibility of my having surgery. She wanted to be here for that to help take care of me. When I told her that surgery was a 'no go', it was about 30 minutes after she put it to God that she wanted to go to Bulgaria. My calling her to tell her this news was an answer for her to go. She is now returning after 3 weeks being in a land she adores with people she loves.

I made a deal with Mother/Father God...if they healed me I would teach. I am being healed. I am teaching. I don't look for students. They come to me. When I learn new things, the Universe sends me people who need the info. I just learned. It's amazing!

I made it very clear that I will not go and search out students. They are to cross my path when the Universe says it's time and never a moment before. About 15 people crossed my path at work when I returned after learning the tumor's 'demise' report. They wanted to learn about the Essiac. Two people on Facebook contacted me within minutes of my posting the report. The Universe began to move.

What they do with the information is up to them. I simply passed on what I had learned from my experience. This is teaching. I crossed paths with a grocery worker yesterday who told me that her two aunts had cancer. I gave her the Essiac information. Hopefully, it will help. :)

I am learning other things as well. I do not put Mother/Father God in a box, nor do I stick to a dogma or specific doctrine. I've learned that the Universal energies of creation are larger, more complex than what man can imagine. I search all forms of learning, expanding my mind in general. I search out music, philosophies, literature. The Universe teaches, using many forms of mediums. I am seeking.

Am currently reading "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. I should say 're-reading' it. I read it a few years ago, but was unable to appreciate the storyline until now. I am also reading 'Dracula', 'Frankenstein', and seeking out more ways to expand my mind. Just listened to, for the first time, "Operation: Mindcrime" by Queensryche. (My friend, Julie, has told me of this album quite a few times and I just decided to give it a listen.) I will need to listen to it again and again before the music grows on me, but the conceptual goal from the group during this creation is powerful. Many lines from the songs make powerful statements.

I don't want to waste my time on this earth by easing through life. I want to learn, grow, and pass on any insights that may come my way. It's a deal I made with Mother/Father God and I intend to keep it.

Quote for the day:
"And I raise my head and stare into the eyes of a stranger. I've always known that the mirror never lies. People always turn away from the eyes of a stranger, afraid to know what lies behind the stare." -Queensryche: "Eyes Of A Stranger" (Operation: Mindcrime)-

Let's stop turning away from strangers. This past Friday morning as I was entering a grocery store, a woman came out who was a total stranger. We smiled and said 'Good morning' to each other. It was a wonderful experience. Don't pass by an opportunity like that. If you can, make someone's day with a smile. It will make your day, as well. I'm tired of the way the world is turning so selfish and unloving. We CAN make a difference, all we have to do is...just do it.
Pass it on.

Rock on!

Praise the Universe!

Yesterday, went to see oncologist, Dr. Hu. Had a CT scan almost two weeks ago. First words out of her mouth: "Where have you been? I've been trying to contact you. Does your phone work?" I explained I had to lower my phone plan to basic service and there is no voice mail anymore, but that she can contact me on my cell phone. "Well, I've been trying to tell you the good news!" I took her hands. "Doc, tell me what's going on!" She said: "The tumor is continuing to shrink." (Mind you, this is going on 3 months with NO chemo!) Now, when we originally began this fight, the tumor was around 8-9 centimeters. With the chemo treatments it shrunk to about 5.2 centimeters. She reported that it is now down to 4.6 X 4.2 centimeters! It is now small enough for them to go in surgically and remove the rest!! She asked me what I was doing these last 3 months as she was very surprised and impressed that it had continued to shrink without the chemotherapy. I told her all that I'm doing. Positive proclamations, thinking, prayer, having a lot of people pray, a lot of people sending positive energy...and Essiac Tea. I've been drinking the tea for about five or six months, now without telling her. I've since learned she is a very open-minded doctor.

She told me to 'write it down for me.' I did so and answered some of her questions. She said, "This is the third time I've heard of this tea. Two other people have said they are using it for preventive. You're the first one I've heard of that is actually using it to 'treat' cancer." She was going to put me on a chemo pill, but with the asparagus and aloe vera juice routine, as well as the tea she said she wants me to continue doing what I'm doing, and...to up the dosage of the tea. "This sounds like very potent stuff." She immediately put an e-mail through to the head oncologist of the department to see if they can't schedule a surgery to remove the last of the tumor. What is so great about this doctor is that she confessed that there are things doctor's don't know. Many things. I got the very strong impression that if she hears of something that works outside the realm of medical science, she is receptive to allowing it to continue, as she has done for me with the Essiac.

I thank my friends, Julie and Shelly, for finding this tea and urging me to try it. I had never heard of it before until they sent me a bag of the crushed herbs to boil for myself and a book about it called: "Essiac A Native Herbal Cancer Remedy" by Cynthia Olsen. When I was finally able to wrap my mind around using herbal therapy, I read the book in one morning (It's not that thick) and regained hope. I opened the bag and followed the instructions on how to prepare it. I tasted the tea and was pleased to find that it tasted rather good and smooth, not bitter or bad tasting at all! :) I started out at 4 ounces a day, and am now up to 8 ounces in the morning. Per doctor's instructions I am upping the dosage to another 8 ounces at night.

Folks, I'm beating this cancer that they said at the beginning they could not cure. I am thanking the Universe, Mother/Father God and all my family and friends who have stood by me on this battle field.

My brother, Vance, and sister-in-luv, Barbi, were with me when I got the news. Barbi hugged me and I cried. Vance took my hand and held on and I cried. I hugged my doctor and I cried. My mom, after I called her yesterday morning to tell her the news, called me back last night and said that after she got off the phone with me, she just sat there in a daze and cried for a half-hour. That she was still in a daze. :)

Life is so good right now! I am convinced that positive thinking mixed with faith, and this tea (thank you Native Indians!!! I love you!!) and the powerful love from friends and family and my kitty (as well as the music from Led Zeppelin and others. ;) ;)) are the necessary elements for the recipe in fighting dis-ease. Find what lifts your spirits, do not pooh-pooh herbal remedies like I did at the beginning. (It took me a few months to wrap my mind around this form of therapy.) Proclaim your intent to be healed and believe it. Absorb the love that flows into your life from those who want, and need, you to keep fighting. Walk on the bridges those things build for you, keep walking, moving forward! Don't give up! Don't stop!

Life is too precious to roll over and give up. They told me that this cancer is incurable and that they could only stay on top of it and keep it in check. My doctor was amazed that the tumor continued to shrink without the chemo. drugs. She was very receptive to this Essiac tea.

A friend of mine, Carmen, reminded me last night of something I told her a few months ago. I said: "I want to go into that doctor's office and have her mouth drop to the floor. I want her to see that I'm a walking miracle." Guess what? It happened!!

My sister, Marla, prophesied that I would blow the doctor's minds. It appears that is where this journey is leading.

I am thrilled beyond belief, overjoyed to the point of getting sore cheek muscles from smiling so much. I can't cuddle with my cat enough, I can't stop being floored myself that this has happened. I'm just waiting for word from the head oncologist now to see if he thinks a surgery would be beneficial or if he would like to see the tumor shrink some more. Either way...I know I'm going to survive this.

Mother/Father God be blessed and loved...life is wonderful!