I just got back from my head oncologist this past Tuesday. The tumor is now down to 1.8 X 1.5 centimeters. He's happy. I'm happy. Life is good. Many things have happened over the last five years.
I lost my mom to kidney failure on September 14th, 2011. Her last words to me were: "What does the report say?" I explained the CT Scan wasn't scheduled until September 16th. She died two days before. Do you know to this day, I grieved about 10 minutes before realizing my mom had not really left me? She was still there. I didn't have to worry about her. She was free of her pain and suffering that had been going on all her life with her lungs. I have never grieved her loss. I miss her sometimes, realizing she's not going to be there physically, but I know in my spirit she's there.
When I lost my cat, Strypur, in April of 2013, she was there. At the vet's office, holding my baby and sobbing, she came to my mind and I saw her pick Strypur up. "It's okay, Jan. I've got him. Let go." And in that moment, I realized my cat and my mom were reunited. I was able to release both, go home sleep and move on through it. I'll see them again.
So, what have I been up to the last few years?
So many things. Writing a Sci-fi fantasy book, now up on Amazon. I'm working on Book 2. I've been getting more and more involved with Bromance stories as those were always my passion (brother-friend, brothers of soul, hurt/comfort....) I recently went to the book page to see if the buy link still worked as I had done some changes, and was pleasantly surprised to find two, and now three 5-star reviews. It's been a while coming, but they are starting to roll in. I gave many paperback versions of the book out to people in exchange for reviews. And one, the husband of a woman who had asked for a copy, snatched up the book before she could read it. A few weeks later she messaged me saying that her husband was about 75% finished with the book and when was Book 2 coming out because "He wants to know how this is going to end." (Me: SHOCKED!) I had sent the book for her to read, and her husband ended up being the first one to tout his praise for it. A man, gave an honest heartfelt review of a Sci-Fi setting dealing with a deep, brotherly-bonded friendship. His words and encouragement really gave me a shot in the arm. But with all the changes going on in my life the last six months, things are shifting. I have no real idea where I'll be going except I have a story of my own to tell and so I've also been working on the story with cancer.
I really don't like to associate it with Cancer, though. I prefer the word 'Journey'.
I'm seeking further spiritual paths, for instance studying The RA Material: The Law of One. Fascinating stuff there. Getting deeper into CSETI/CE-5 (Yes, ET work), and moving deeper into learning meditation. They finally have a studio close to where I live (Only a few blocks) and how is that for not having to drive very far to learn new things? Normally I'd have to leave my city and travel for 30-45 minutes to get somewhere. I'm still involved with the Science of Mind, and it's been a ride you would not believe. I feel like I'm on stepping stones, though. Great stepping stones, but I can't seem to find a stable path. Someone said this week, "It's not the destination, it's the journey." Well, then, I'm solid. I'm still journeying, seeking, looking for my A-ha moments and loving the experience. But... I do wish I could settle into something that I can legitimately say "I'm practicing this." My writing fiction is becoming quiet. The voices in my heart are silencing. The Journey story is moving full throttle and it reminded me I had this journal where I had stored memories.
In reading through these posts again I had forgotten some of this stuff. I need to tap into them and include them in the book. What is the book going to be called:
"Death Is The Teacher: Or... How The Music of Led Zeppelin, And Other Tools In My Lesson Plan Helped In My Journey Through Cancer." I should be finished with it in a few months.
I came back into this blog to relive some memories and found out it had been five years since last I posted. I wanted to tell everyone the fight was and is worth it. I'm still here, still alive, and still healing, and not just physically. I have much to say, to share, and I hope you'll join me.
I hope you'll join me. Life is good. Embrace it with a sense of adventure. :D
Namaste'
Janalyn Robnett
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