Suicide by Cop...

For those unfamiliar with the phrase 'Suicide by Cop', it's when a person provokes the police and forces them to shoot them in order to die. I just heard of a case like this happening to a man who found out he had cancer. I won't go into details as I don't know the person whose father did this. It's a hear-say story, so the details are etchy, but all I know is that this man found out he had cancer. He couldn't face the treatments or the disease and provoked a policeman into shooting him.

Last Friday, when seeing my oncologist for a check-up, a nurse came into the exam room. I could not help but over-hear the conversation as I was sitting only about 2 feet away. The nurse was explaining to my doctor about a male patient who was refusing treatment because he could not pursue the chemotherapy and still work. He 'demanded' the catheter (Or stint? Or is it a shunt? Can't be certain, where they inject the chemo directly in the area of the tumor) be removed and that was the only reason he had shown up that day.

I don't know the circumstances around this man's needing to work, and Lord and Lady (Mother/Father God) knows I am not a huge proponent for typical cancer treatments, but if there is the SLIGHTEST chance that this man can live via chemo treatments...
By the Universe...why would he not choose to fight?

It was just sooo sad to me. And to my doctor. She put her head in her hands and looked as though she was defeated. I could not understand why this man wanted to do this. I said, "Do you wish to speak to him now? I can wait here." She said, "No. I'll speak to him in a few minutes." She looked at me. I looked at her. There was a connection between us. I didn't say anything about the tea. She already had the information, but she, being a doctor maybe couldn't say anything about that angle. She knows it's working for me, but she has to be soooo careful.

What made this so sad was not necessarily her not being able to tell him about the Essiac (If that in fact turned out to be the case), but what was sad was the man refusing treatment. I am soooo very much hoping that he chose to seek treatment by another route and just not refusing the chemo because he was giving up.

I called my brother once, and I believe I posted about this before, when I was on the verge of even 'thinking' of giving up. He told me what he once told the soccer team he coached. "I don't care what the score is...if you give up...you may as well walk off the field." I remember those words, hold them close to my heart every day. I cannot give up. I have my life!! I have LIFE!! My sister once asked me, "Do you have anything better to do with your life other than to save it?" I hold THOSE words close to my heart as well. When I think of people throwing away their lives because they are afraid or because they think there's no hope, it breaks my heart.

Please...fight. PLEASE don't give up. There is ALWAYS a chance, and there are MIRACLES. I believe in miracles. I don't care what faith you are, believe for the best, believe that this world is worth your life to live, and to spread your story to others. You have family, friends...you have REASONS and gifts and blessings all around you. To deny yourself even one day of life, to deny your family your presence too soon...by the Lord and Lady, you can find strength in those around you. I know if I didn't have my friends and family, I, too, would have given up. I'd be dead by now. Find someone in your life that you mean something to and fight for them if not for yourself.

Fight for your life. There are wonderful things in this world worth fighting for, worth living for. If you give up on that...what blessings will you miss down the road? I remember I wanted to kill myself one time. Mother/Father God said, "If you do that, you will never know the blessings we have for you down the road." I am living those blessings now. I am seeing a life worth living. I ignore what is going on in the world today with the wars and crime and economy. There will always be wars, there will always be crime, and the economy WILL get back on its feet again. Focus on what you have around you...your family, your pets, your friends...is there joy in your life? What brings you joy? Find it...seek it out and grab on. HOLD ON with everything you have inside you. If you slip, grab onto the nearest person you know you can trust with anything. Let them know you're slipping and they will help you!! My brother, sister, my friends...so many people around me pulled me up when I was about going through darkness.

I would call my brother on the morning of the chemo treatments, my dread so tangible I could feel it weigh me down like a milstone, in tears I would call him and he was there and just hearing his voice helped me through it. Just knowing if I needed him or my sister, or my sister-in-luv, Barbi, my niece, Brianna, my friend Julie, my friend Shelly and my friend Mary and my friend Carmen and so many others. (And even my nephew Brad who came down with his family to metaphorically 'hold my hand'). I could call out and they would listen and they would walk with me in spirit.

I hate chemo treatments, they are grueling and wear you down, and yes it is DIFFICULT, and sometimes you think it's impossible, but it isn't! I swear by Mother/Father God it's not impossible! You have to hold on. You can't give up.
Choose to live! Don't walk off the field.
There is a reason you were put on this earth. There is a reason you were born.
"Do you have anything better to do with your life other than to save it?"

I can't imagine the grief the family of that man who killed himself by the act of suicide by cop must be going through.

If you find you have no strength, turn to your family and friends, turn to God if you believe in Him. Turn to your spiritual path whatever it is. Go to the mountains, or the beach, or a field of flowers, or go to a flower shop and breathe in the scent of beauty. And here's one...go to a bookstore and invest in your life by buying comic strip books. Vance, my brother, and Barbi bought me "Get Fuzzy" books and I laughed and laughed. Buy comedy DVD's (My faves are "Home Improvement" and "Boy Meets World" and "MASH".) Take them home, watch them again and again and laugh, laugh, laugh, buy comedy...watch it on Netflix, or Hulu, go to a movie that takes you away from this world and eases your stress by giving you something funny to think about. Laughter. Surround yourself with it. If you have a pet, love that pet, cuddle with your dog, cat, or whatever. Love the animals around you. My cat gave me such strength and healing energy when I needed it and he still does. He was one of my angels during the worst parts of getting the news and treatments. Without him it would have been...not impossible, but more empty.

Laugh. Love. Live.
Be alive...feel it, know it, and pass it on.
I promise you...it's good to be alive.

Rock on.

Nothing to do with cancer, but something to do with therapy...

I like READING!!

I read a blog. She posted this. Please read the below and pass it on. (Especially if you are one of those people who download 'free' e-books, or if you known an author who's been affected by e-book piracy.) This criminal activity has got to STOP! It's getting worse and worse and all I can see is authors being forced out of the publishing business as a result. Read the comments on the libraries especially. I never knew that if you check out a book, you are actually helping the libraries with their low budgets. I'm heading to the library more and more now.


More on Book Piracy
Author Saundra Mitchell had a striking post on the numbers of her books being pirated. If all the illegal downloads had been legal sales, she'd have been a NYT bestseller. The same goes for me. In ten minutes, I found record of tens of thousands of illegal downloads of my books. In ten minutes. It makes me want to cry, since sales numbers justify my existence as a writer. I've ranted about this before. I'll let Saundra do the talking this time, with her permission. And she does it well.

http://anywherebeyond.livejournal.com/342581.html?view=1733941#t1733941

(End pasted quote.)

Dig it!

I'm sorry, but you'll have to copy and paste the link to your browser. I can't figure out why the 'link' option in this blog will not show the actual link. :(
Peace out!

I donated!

Neuropathy...the pits. Kindesss of strangers? The rope to pull you out.

My feet suffer from Neuropathy...nerve damage, resulting from chemotherapy. Think of it as Novocaine injected into your feet and the numbness never goes away. You can't feel it when your feet hit steps, you need to watch your feet at all times when walking, and a walker is definitely your best friend, either that or a wheelchair. It's the pits. I can't dance anymore. I used to love to dance in the privacy of my own home while cleaning the apartment, or simply because I love to dance whenever. I can't do that anymore. I have to have help getting into a saddle because my feet have no strength to hold me in the stirrup while I mount. Sucks. However, it could be worse. I could be Neuropathic in my entire legs...and hands. Thankfully, the Universe saw fit to keep my hands immune. I can still type.

Yesterday I needed to go to the store. I had walked with a cane to take my rent to the landlords. By the time I got back to my apartment (the landlords live a block away), I was hurting in my hip. Not sure what happened there, but it may be the lack of balance in the walking. I had to then face going to the store. Albertson's has a call ahead and they will shop for you program. I think I'm going to have to take them up on it.

But...though the Neuropathy is why I'm writing this entry, it's the kindness of strangers I want to focus on. As I used the Albertson's cart to get my items, a kind elderly man assisted me at the check-out counter. Not an employee, a fellow customer. He only had one item and I had the basket on the cart overflowing with groceries to get me through the week. He pulled everything from the basket and put it on the conveyor belt for me...smiling all the time he did so. He then told me to take care of myself and went to take his place in line behind me, patting me on the shoulder as he did so.

Where in the world are the angels of this world? There where you least expect them. No one else bothered. No one else moved out of the way. Everyone else were too wrapped up in their world to even pass me the time of day. This guy? Sent from heaven. I needed a lot of help yesterday as I had tons of things to do and getting on my feet to do them was getting scary. He made it that much more easier for me.

I flooded him with sincere thanks and gratitude. He literally made my day. :)
Folks, pass it on to others when others help you. If we can just cause a dominoes effect of kindness, I wonder what would happen to this world.

Rock on.