Can You Feel It? It's So...There...

I am a visual person. If I can 'see' things happen, rather than read about how to do things in books, I'm able to learn them easier. I can see things from written directions, but it takes time for me to process it in my brain. Seeing them acted out where I can also maybe perform hands-on practice, helps it to click.

I believe that Jesus taught us we have to the power to heal, that whatever we ask, believing we will receive. I see the tumor shrinking into dust, the edges of it burning to ash, the flames working their way to the middle, the edges, the ashes, floating into nothing, disintegrating. My friend, Julie, gave me a great visual...that I reach in and pull out this black mass that looks like a lump of coal, and to watch a white light ignite within its middle consuming it to where it's nothing but ash in my hand, and that the Universe takes it from me, scattering it into space.

I had some pain today, pain that wasn't there yesterday or for a while. For most of the day I ignored it, did things to keep my mind off of it. I've been watching lots of comedy, or sit-coms, especially "Home Improvement" and "Boy Meets World". Today I watched them both and laughed and laughed. But...when trying to get some sleep, the fear of the tumor growing again hit me and before I could really get caught up in that negativity, I called my brother and sister-in-love, Vance and Barbi. They've told me from the start to call them if I need to. I did. Vance prayed for me over the phone...I knew Barbi was there in agreement with his prayer, so both of them were as one. It helped so very much to know that I'm not alone, even if no one is here. I have my cat and he's been so very cuddly tonight, I think he knows. (Cats and dogs always know, don't they?) It's just been very, very good.

I've got "The 69 Eyes" playing on my MP3 Player (a new group Julie is sharing with me who are from Finland. Very interesting style these boys have and the lyrics are extremely intriguing. They touch on darkness, but not to the point of pulling you into a funk, in a sense they put 'facing the darkness' into a whole new definition. With this situation, I'm facing a type of darkness, this cancer, tumor, is a mass of darkness that in facing and forcing it out of my body, I'm able to find the courage in beating it back to where it came from. I like the parallel, the metaphor. I seem to find inspiration for this fight-for-victory in the most unlikely places. From prayers, to visualizations; From Goth music from Finland to ether-grabbing guitar solos from one Jimmy Page. Which just goes to prove, once again, not to put Mother/Father God in a box. They can use anything to teach us, to reach us where we're at and commune.)

In facing your darkened moments, what pulls you into finding the strength to head into the storm, no matter how dark, and become determined to reach the other side? You may get bloodied in the journey, the battle, but for you it doesn't matter, because the inspiration pulls you through, it gives you the strength. Is it music? The written word? Areas of nature? Friends and family who stand with you, holding up your arms so that you can continue to gain victory? Animals? I would give anything to ride a horse right now. To ride at a full gallop in an open area, become one with the horse, connect spiritually with it. I love the ocean, to be there as the waves roll in. I love the rain, watching it come down, feeling it on my skin. I love my cat, how he purrs on my belly. I imagine, like Jimmy Page's guitar solos, his purrs hitting the tumor and disintegrating it. So many things around us that we can use to find strength, love of life, and gain a spiritual communion, finding our feet again and becoming more determined as a result to win.

The love is there, all around us. It fills the soul, the heart, the mind, the air, our spirits. It's everywhere. Can you feel it? When you do, ride the crest of the wave, and when it takes you to shore, rest on the sand, gaze up at the sky, no matter if it's night or day, and revel in the love of your Creator. There's life there. It feels good, doesn't it? :)
Rock on.
(Thanks, to my brother, sister-in-love, niece and nephew and to Mother/Father God. The love is felt and very, very powerful in my heart right now. And as I face this tumor/cancer...once again I punch it out and say: "To the MOON, Alice!")